It's just me, as always
For some reason I decited to type this whole bloggentry in english! I feel like I have to practice for my English C course, and when you think about it.. This language beats swedish out of the water on many levels.
What have happened lately? I wonder that aswell.. I've been living in a plesant circle of exposures, and it still hasn't left yet. It's been going around and around, and most of the time I've been able to crush my fears into pieces, and mash it further down into oblivion. I've been roleplaying, met some people from the old days.. no party yet though, they've been dragging alot. It's mostly one or two months in between the partyhappenings and it feels like I should do something about it soon! But it's not easy when you haven't got the motivation to go ask around for a party and try to invite yourself.. I feel much more alive when people invite me for starters. But the thing is, I've created this room for myself. My fears run alongside me and made me skip one party, an important party - which I wasn't aware of at the time. So it's natural if people dont want to invite me anymore, since I've got an easy time dodging it in the last minute. It's frustration on high level, but I dont know how to handle it sometimes. Not when I'm in the transparent circle of nothingness though.
Tonight Naz called me, she was at the NIN-festival, and I was about to hear Nine inch Nails live. The soundquality wasnt the best, I could only hear Naz screaming. I think it was Naz atleast.. and I really have missed her voice, and it was some kind of a feeling - even though I couldnt hear what she was saying. Of course, this all has something to do with the telephone. And I greet my telephone-phobia with open arms! She called again, while I was typing an sms to her.. I paniced, it was all just so sudden - and closed the phone. She called again, I think I heard her saying something. I paniced again and closed the phone.
I wish I hadn't, I'm so sure I did something hurtfull again. I must agree that I'm an okay person and that I only want the best to everyone around me, but when my fears overshadow my acts it can only go wrong. It's just me, as always
One thing is positive though. No deep, coming-to-no-conclusion discussions have been on my blog today!
CONGRATULATE ME FOR THAT.
What have happened lately? I wonder that aswell.. I've been living in a plesant circle of exposures, and it still hasn't left yet. It's been going around and around, and most of the time I've been able to crush my fears into pieces, and mash it further down into oblivion. I've been roleplaying, met some people from the old days.. no party yet though, they've been dragging alot. It's mostly one or two months in between the partyhappenings and it feels like I should do something about it soon! But it's not easy when you haven't got the motivation to go ask around for a party and try to invite yourself.. I feel much more alive when people invite me for starters. But the thing is, I've created this room for myself. My fears run alongside me and made me skip one party, an important party - which I wasn't aware of at the time. So it's natural if people dont want to invite me anymore, since I've got an easy time dodging it in the last minute. It's frustration on high level, but I dont know how to handle it sometimes. Not when I'm in the transparent circle of nothingness though.
Tonight Naz called me, she was at the NIN-festival, and I was about to hear Nine inch Nails live. The soundquality wasnt the best, I could only hear Naz screaming. I think it was Naz atleast.. and I really have missed her voice, and it was some kind of a feeling - even though I couldnt hear what she was saying. Of course, this all has something to do with the telephone. And I greet my telephone-phobia with open arms! She called again, while I was typing an sms to her.. I paniced, it was all just so sudden - and closed the phone. She called again, I think I heard her saying something. I paniced again and closed the phone.
I wish I hadn't, I'm so sure I did something hurtfull again. I must agree that I'm an okay person and that I only want the best to everyone around me, but when my fears overshadow my acts it can only go wrong. It's just me, as always
One thing is positive though. No deep, coming-to-no-conclusion discussions have been on my blog today!
CONGRATULATE ME FOR THAT.
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